Caught red handed!

El B has to meet with his political consultant James Carnitaville to discuss the fallout from a possible compromising picture.

“James, I thought I was supposed to be taking it easy in my role as a part-time consultant and writer for burrito nation, but something has come up, and I think that we need to address the situation.” “What happened El B” James asked slightly taken aback. El B had been one of his most trouble free clients. “Yesterday I forgot my lunch at home, and I craved a burrito. Things haven’t been the same since I moved away from my beloved Chipotle” El B explained calmly. “I went to Qdoba to get a burrito. I didn’t think I would run into anyone that knew me, but there was a camera and….” El B trails off. James gasps and starts speaking quickly “maybe we can convince people that it is a plot. That someone photoshopped your head on another person’s body or a Chipotle bag with a Qdoba bag. We’ve got to deny this quickly.” “I can’t lie to the people Jim. I never have and I never will” El B exclaims forcefully. Jim still reeling suggests showing remorse and apologizing, but El B quickly shoots him down. “Chipotle nation is all about freedom. Chipotle nation understands that everyone needs burritos even if there isn’t a Chipotle nearby. We have to fulfill this need or we will surely perish. Sometimes you live to eat burritos, and sometimes you eat burritos to live. Anyway we’ve had a history of branching out in the Chipotle nation to Thai food, pizza, and even sandwiches. The occasional change makes us long for Chipotle even more! The people will understand Jim…they have to understand.” Jim sobbing with emotion states “I am not sure I agree with your stance El B, but if you speak to the people with that emotion and passion they just might understand.”



EXTRA EXTRA READ ALL ABOUT IT - EL B CAUGHT IN QDOBA SCANDAL - CHAOS ENSUES!

3 raindrops

An oldie but goodie...

3 rain drops, Bob, Jenny and George are in a cloud heading for the greater Seattle area. They are discussing where they would like to fall.

Bob: I want to make it out to the mountains, trickle down to a nice stream, hit a river and end up in Puget Sound. That way I get to see all of nature.
Jenny and George: ooooh that sounds nice.
Jenny: I love the city life. I want to fall in Capital Hill and roll down hill and see as much of Seattle as I can
Bob and George: that’s exciting.
There is an awkward silence as Bob and Jenny wait for George to tell where he wants to land.
Jenny: George, where do you want to land?
George not believing the words that are going to blurt out of his mouth says “I want to land in downtown Bellevue” Bob and Jenny confused say “Why”. “I know it’s a long shot, but there is a place there called Chipotle. They have the best food that you can buy for under $7. I hope to land on a burrito, some chips and guac or a burrito bowl.” George responds.
Bob and Jenny: Godspeed George.

Sibling Rivalry

They competed at everything, sports, food competitions, clothes, everything became a competition because that’s what sisters do. But this was the last straw! Pico fumed as she reread the menu. Chipotle was her sanctuary, a place to go when everything was overwhelming, this was a place she could count on to give her peace and perspective. Now looking at the menu items she felt that peace disappear. HOW COULD SHE DO THIS TO ME!!!

Pico’s older sister: Cryspy was trying to edge in on her success. Growing up Cryspy had been the best student, always on the honor roll with perfect grades. Pico just couldn’t measure up! Cryspy also excelled at sports, well of course, as a tortilla chip she had more stamina, Pico’s mix of veggies wouldn’t allow her to run track or try out for the pickle-ball team. In college Cryspy went with a full scholarship and had interned at Tostitos eventually landing a job at their corporate office. Lately she had complained about “big business politics” and executives skimming from the top (of the dip) but never in a million years did Pico think her sister would quit her well paying job and find a home at the one and only real accomplishment her sister had: Chipotle.

Since coming to Chipotle, Pico finally felt like she fit in, this was a place she knew she was appreciated, she knew she was her own person, she didn’t need Cryspy poking around in her business all the time. How would this work?? She loved her sister but could they really work together and not make it a competition, could they be friends without the underlying sense of opposition being in the way?

Her phone rang and she picked it up:

“Pico, how are you?” her boss, El Grande Queso (the Big Cheese) asked.

“I’m as fresh as ever, what can I do for you today?” Pico asked, wondering why her boss had called her on a Sunday evening.

“Well Pico, big news, we’ve been testing all weekend and you’re a hit!!!” he exclaimed.

Pico was lost, testing? Were they testing her to see her reaction to Cryspy’s addition?

El Grande took her silence for shock “That’s right! I mean we’ve tried this before but it was never quite this perfect! This will go down in Chipotle history as the best pairing ever!

“Sir?” Pico was so confused, she shook her head to clear out the salt.

“Why Cryspy of course!” he replied and her heart sank, he was singing her sister’s praises already. Cryspy and Chipotle, the best pairing ever. She thought she might just throw up.

“That’s great sir,” she tried to sound confident “I’m sure Chipotle has made a great decision adding Cryspy, she’s one of kind.

“You got that right” bellowed her boss “But we wouldn’t be such a success without this Chips and Salsa combo, as I said you’re a hit!”

Pico heard him correctly this time. “Chips and Salsa combo,” understanding dawned on her making her smile “You mean my sister and I?”

“Of course! We’ve been testing at our locations all weekend and the most asked for items has been chips and salsa plates! With Cryspy’s crunchy, salty goodness and your fresh spicy taste we can’t go wrong! See you at work tomorrow bright and early, we have a meeting with the board of flavor, wear your best cilantro, I see a raise in your future!”

Pico hung up beaming! Finally something they were both equally good at, finally something they couldn’t compete for, without her Cryspy would just be a chip and without her sister she would just be another ingredient. Her heart warmed as she picked up the phone, her sister answered on the first ring and Pico smiled “Hey sis, just wanted to welcome you to Chipotle…..”

They come in peace

She had never seen anything like it, stepping out of the corn she surveyed the damage, her dad wasn’t going to like this. He worked hard in these fields, had worked here his whole life, he would not be pleased that someone would come and trample his crops. She walked the perimeter of the damage, already estimating the cost of corn lost this harvest, she still couldn’t get her mind around how someone could flatten acres of corn in one night. It seems impossible, before she could ponder it further she heard a sound to her right, she turned and saw her father step out of the corn stalks.
“TArroz” is all he said by way of greeting, then he looked out across the field and sighed heavily. This wasn’t the reaction she expected, surprise, horror, devastation but her father just stood there shaking his head and looking annoyed.
“Dad?” she asked “What happened?”
He pulled his hat off his head and twisted it in his hands, buying himself time to answer “They did it again…”
“Who Dad? Who did this? Who could do this to our land?”
He looked at her and pulled his hat back on his head “Honey, look around, does this look like the work of this land? Do you really think someone we know could’ve flattened all these crops this quickly and we not notice?”
She was stunned, what was he suggesting? That this was magic? “Dad, I don’t understand……”
He sighed again “There’s a reason I’ve never allowed you out in the cornfields until after harvest time, this isn’t the first time I’ve seen this, nor will it be the last.”
TArroz just waited him out, her father, who had always been the strongest rice she had ever known, was showing some wear.
“They come every year, right before we harvest the corn and take some for themselves. We have the best corn around, why wouldn’t they want it?” he asked waving his hand towards the remaining upright stalks. It was then she realized that the flattened stalks didn’t have ears of corn, just husks, where did the corn go? She turned to her father “They? Who are they?”
He tilts his face toward the sky “TArroz, I know this will be hard to believe but they come from the sky, so many of them, and take our corn with them. I don’t know why they don’t just ask me for some, maybe they just don’t speak our language” he continued to look up at the stars. TArroz followed his gaze and it finally hit her, he was talking about extraterrestrial visitors. It all made sense, this was a crop circle, they have been tied to extraterrestrial visits for years! Oh my goodness! “Dad, this happens every year?? Why haven’t you called the news, why haven’t you shared this experience with the world?”
Her dad pulled at his beard and shrugged “Who would believe me?”
She looked at him aghast throwing her arms out to indicate the giant crop circle they were witnessing. “We have this! They would have to believe you!” she said excitedly.
“No.” he stated firmly “I consider it an honor that out of all the corn fields, they’ve chosen mine, because it’s the best, they only ever use the best!”
TArroz couldn't believe her white fluffy ears, yes it’s unheard of for the rice to make corn, but they went so well together and her father’s crop was in great demand, but why would her father allow someone to just come and take it? “But do you realize that if this got out, we could finally prove they exist!”
He turned with a confused look on his face. “TArroz, what in the world are you talking about, everyone already knows they exist.”
Now it was her turn to be confused. “I didn’t know until I came out and saw this for myself, now that I’ve seen it I believe, from my white top to my rice toes I believe” she said in awe. “Aliens….”
Her father burst out laughing
“What? Why are you laughing Dad?”
He laughed even louder and it died into a chuckle. “TArroz, did you say Aliens?”
“Yes, you said they come from the sky, and this crop circle is proof they were here…”she trailed off when she saw her father’s amused expression.
“Honey, I’m not talking about Aliens….I’m talking about Chipotle!” he bellowed still smiling.
“Chipotle??? Dad I’m confused, you said they don’t speak our language, you said they came from the sky” she repeated determinedly.
He laughed again, his rice face scattering and coming together with each chuckle. “Chipotle uses only the best, my corn is the best. They come by helicopter, at least 5 or so, but whoever they send only speak Spanish, at least that’s what it sounds like. They set down, gather the corn and load a giant round basket, hence the circle and once they’ve taken enough it’s back to the sky and I don’t see them again for another year. I’ve witnessed it at least 3 times but I missed them this year. Early harvest, they must’ve known…” he said shaking his head then he started walking back to the house. As she followed him she could hear him mumble something and laugh again “Aliens……”

Lost without Chipotle

He’d been stuck on the island for 22 days, having to parachute out of his plane when the engines failed. So far he’d survived by eating coconuts, unable to find the means to catch a fish. Once he’d caught a crab but couldn’t build a fire to cook it. The days were hot and to pass them time he wrote the letters H-E-L-P in the sand so that a passing plane would see his message and save him but no rescue attempts had been made. He was beginning to lose hope that he’d ever see his beloved girlfriend and his family again. He was Barbacoa why weren’t more people looking for him? He was an important ingredient in so many things, wouldn’t someone notice his absence?

Some days he would hallucinate, seeing a hotel in the distance but when he tried to focus it would disappear. He was weak with thirst, ocean water only made him sick and he would do ANYTHING for some fresh water. He wished he at least had a volleyball to talk to like Tom Hanks had in Castaway but all he managed to do was carve a face into one of his coconut shells. When he stared for hours at that face with its lopsided grin and unwavering gaze it sometimes reminded him of his old friend/nemesis El B. What he wouldn’t give for a Chipotle burrito right about now.

All of a sudden the sun gleamed off of something floating offshore. Barbacoa stared at it, believing it to be another hallucination but then it slowly got closer and eventually washed onto the beach. He stood up slowly, wobbling a bit from malnutrition and began walking toward the object. As he drew closer he could've sworn he saw the silvery wrapping of a Chipotle Burrito. Shaking this ludicrous idea from this mind he continued toward the object that was now shining like it was lit from within.

When he finally reached the object he stood staring at it for at least 5 minutes, not believing his eyes. What were the chances??? He slowly bent down and picked up the bottle, his eye huge in wonder. Then he walked over to the nearest rock and slammed the bottle down, shattering it completely. He picked up what was left and held the object to his nose and took a long deep breath, inhaling the one smell he thought he’d never smell again. The sweet smells of cilantro-lime rice, pinto beans and marinated meat made his stomach growl and he smiled slowly. It was a Chipotle burrito and it was his.
He stared out towards the ocean and knew that help would be on the way…

Moving Day

She was moving! Pico was so happy! She got the notification yesterday and she’s been packing up her ingredients ever since. Wow she had a lot of stuff! They told her that she wouldn’t need to recruit any friends to help her move, that they would take care of everything. What a load off, she thought as she taped up the last box, she had been packing for 6 hours now and needed a break. She sat on her couch and popped on the TV – her favorite soap opera As the Bowl Turns was on! She settled in to watch:

Tortillabelle is in the hospital bed awaiting a new heart, the constant blip of the machines fill the room. Con Queso sits by her bed anxiously worrying if his beloved Tortillabelle will get well. Suddenly the door to the room slams open and in storms LaGuac, Con Queso stands up shocked and La Guac goes over and slaps him across his cheesy face.

La Guac: You bastard!

Con Queso: Guac! What are you doing here?

La Guac: I could ask you the same thing?? Why are you with her? (sneers toward Tortillabelle)

Con Queso (stuttering) : She’s sick, I was called, I had to come down, I couldn’t let her wake up alone

La Guac cuts him off: Alone!?!?! I don’t care about her, what about me?!?! You left me alone, you thought you could make me love you and then disappear after one night of passion?? How DARE you?! (she slaps him again, cheese goes flying)


Con Queso quickly recovers and grabs her by the wrist: Do that again and I’ll knock the peppers out of you, I never said I loved you.

La Guac’s eyes fill with tears (green of course): *sniff* You USED me, how….could….you….

Con Queso looks away only to find that his precious Tortillabelle was awake and had witnessed his confrontation with La Guac….

Just then the machines beep loudly, going wild, a medical team rushes into the room and surrounds Tortillabelle, they try to save her but in the end she flatlines and the doctor calls the time of death, then he looks over accusingly at Con Queso

Doc: I’m afraid she’s gone, died of a broken heart

Con Queso drops to his cheesy knees: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

(Fade out)

Pico wipes her eyes and then here’s a knock on the door. She shuts of the TV and opens the door. She sees the movers on the street but the man infront of her wears a polo shirt with a company logo on the pocket. She looks at the logo more closely and a bad feeling twists her onions…..no….it couldn’t be.

“Hello, are you Pico de Gallo?” the man asks pulling out a clipboard. “I’m from Old El Paso, we’re hear to move you to your new home in a jar.”

Pico is terrified, Salsa in a JAR?!?!?! Who ever heard of such a thing? That would mean no more fresh taste, what would Chipotle say?? "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

The man clears his throat “Uh mam, enough with the theatrics, do I have the right address? This is 777 Salsa Circle correct?”

Pico stands up tall and looks at him down her cilantro nose “There must be some mistake, I will not be jarred, I am Pico de Gallo! Best Served FRESH! Good day sir”

The man shrugs “Okay, whatever” looks back at his crew “Load’em up boys, we got another case of mistaken identity” and he walks away.

Pico closes the door, sighly loudly. “Thank GOD Chipotle doesn’t use salsa from a JAR! Only the best for Chipotle and that’s where I’ll stay!”

Presidential Status

Barbacoa sat behind his desk and took a break. He’d been meeting with statesman from all over the country for days now. His body felt liquid all over and he needed to rest. He was making headway on new reforms all over his land but even with all of his success he felt something was missing…

For years he’d worked tirelessly to get where he was. Since high school he knew he’d want to change the world, he would volunteer in the community but also volunteer on the local campaigns. In college he worked with community leaders to change things for the better in his home town and beyond.

Now he was older and had so many accomplishments under his belt: City councilman, Mayor, Governor and now Congressman. He was proud of his accomplishments but felt like if he wanted real change that he would have to take the next step in his political career. President, that was the only way he would be able to help all those who needed change as much as he did. This county was messed up, it’s current leader not even knowing the difference between pablano peppers and jalapenos for god sake! He was glad he had the support of Chipotle to back him, he would need it.

He wasn’t naïve he knew there would be many who would oppose his decision, after all if he would be the first dark marinade in history to achieve such status. But he was a marinade for the people and the people wanted change. He picked up the phone and began calling those he trusted implicitly, he had to be sure rumors of his decision wouldn’t reach his nemesis, for surely El B would do everything he could to stop this from happening. First his wife and daughters should know, then his most trusted followers and so on….he should contact Pico for she had press connections and would make sure she would be honest in helping him with his campaign….

After everything was in place he had to decide his campaign mission statement….he had to make sure it was honest and related to all those in the land. AHA! That’s it! There were those poor families that couldn’t afford the fresh taste of Chipotle, those who couldn’t scrape up enough money for at least one crispy taco, well it was time for Change! YES WE CAN – TASTE IT!

He smiled, who wouldn’t vote for him with a promise like that? He would, of course have to get his name out there, it wasn’t enough that people in his own state knew him, he would have to get out there and make himself known all over the land. He could smell victory, it was hot and spicy….oh wait, that smell was coming from himself…..He shook his head and stood up, it was time to set things in motion, he could almost hear the crowds chanting his name when he said it was time for change: Barbac O-ama! Barbac O-ama! Barbac O-ama!

The beginning of...

“El B!” his mom yelled. “Be sure to be home by dusk, or I’ll send your Papi after you!”

“Okay! Adios mama!” El B sprinted across the yard and through the gate of their modest home. He ran across the field and down towards the lake. This was his favorite time of day, the sun was warm and his rope-swing was waiting for him. He came to a stop at the base of the old oak tree, resting his foil body against the rough bark. Then he quickly climbed up the old boards his Papi had nailed to the tree and grabbed the rope swing and pushed off yelling with all of his might. He swung over the lake and let go, SPLASH! Swimming back to shore he thought he saw something move in the bushes. He wasn’t exactly in the wilderness but sometimes a wild Jalapeño would stray a little too close to the lake when they got thirsty, and of course they got thirsty, they were hot!

Anticipating an attack he quickly climbed up the tree and stared down, he saw movement again. Impulsively he leaped off the branch and aimed for the bushes BAM he landed on something soft that let out a “oomph”.

“Hey, who are you?” El B asked trying to hold on to the smooth surface of the other person.

The dark little boy stood up and brushed dirt off his clothes glaring at El B “I am El Barbacoa, why did you jump on me?”

El B glared back “You were spying on me!” he snapped.

Barbacoa jutted his chin out “I was not.” He stated defiantly.

“You were! Tell me why right now!” El B demanded.

Barbacoa held his ground a little longer and then exhaled all the fight draining out of him. “I saw how much fun you were having and wanted to try out the rope swing. It looked fun.” He finally admitted.

El B cocked his head and asked “It is fun. How come I’ve never seen you around here before? I was born here and know just about everyone.”

“My family just moved onto the Pepper Farm, demand for our spicy sauce required we have more room.” Barbacoa said and then asked “What’s your name and how old are you? I just turned eight.”

“I’m eight and my name is El Burrito but everyone calls me El B” El B said holding out a foiled hand, Barbacoa reached out a smooth hand to shake it. “Your family is spicy? Who demands the spicy?” El B asked curiously.

“Who else but Chipotle” answered Barbacoa “They only use the best ingredients and my family makes the most flavorful marinade this side of Mexico, we’re a hit everywhere we go”

“CHIPOTLE! No way! My family has supplied the best burritos to them for years, they are the best!” El B said beaming, he had found respect for this new person. “Barbacoa, would you like to take a turn on my rope-swing?”

Barbacoa nodded and smiled “I thought you’d never ask!”

The two became quick friends and spent the entire summer together having many adventures never knowing that one day they’d be enemies of a monumental scale…..until next time…..

It's been a good run

She woke from a dead sleep, sweating and tangled in the sheets; cilantro and tomatoes everywhere. What a horrible dream, just remembering the details raised the onions on her arms and her breath came quicker as panic took over. What did the dream mean?? The burritos, the dark tunnel what could is possible stand for?? She picked up the phone and dialed La Guac, wincing when she saw the early time on her alarm clock.

“Hello” came the groggy voice of La Guac

“Guac, I just had the strangest more disturbing dream” Pico said and related every detail to her friend. When she was done there was only silence on the other end. “Guac? Are you there?”

“Yes” La Guac answered hesitantly.

“Well then what could this mean?” Pico asked voice rising a little from the feeling that she was going to be given bad news by her friend. The silence stretched on and finally La Guac answered

“Listen Pico, I have some news, I didn’t want to tell you because you’ve so recently recovered from the “Thursday Order incident” but it’s El B…”

“Yeah?”

“Well…..he can’t do orders anymore”

“WHAT!?” Pico screamed jumping out of bed scattering more onions and tomatoes.

“Yeah, well he’s been offered a big job somewhere out west and he won’t be able to do the Friday orders anymore. “ Guac said sensing her friend’s hysteria, she quickly added “He’s trying to find a replacement as soon as possible, so the Friday orders will keep on going, he’s even adding an extra Monday order this week to entice a replacement to take over.

Silence “Hello? Pico?”

Heaving sigh “Whew, okay Guac, I guess we’ll just have to wait and see”

“Yes, so just get some rest and we’ll talk about this more at a decent hour.”

“Sure, thanks Guac” Pico hung up the phone and pondered what this all meant for the Friday orders…..she knew she didn’t have the strength to move El B back home but did she have the strength to move someone in his place??? She laid her head back on the pillow and drifted off to sleep with this question on her mind….

Pico's Powers Part 2

Everything was black, she could hear herself breathing but she couldn’t see anything. Fear streaked through her as she realized she couldn’t move her body, couldn’t raise one onion finger. She couldn’t remember how she had gotten here or why she was in so much pain. Confused and exhausted she pushed her mind to remember how she could’ve gotten herself into this situation. At first her mind was blank but slowly snippets of memories started returning, the day she became the #1 salsa in Washington State, what a proud day that had been, she still had the trophy on the mantle above her fireplace, shined it up weekly. Many memories came back, but it was as though she’d hit a wall, nothing recent, no clue to why she was paralyzed came back to her.

She didn’t know how long she’d been here, frozen and alone, she only knew that she wanted to be someplace, any place else right now.

Suddenly she heard voices, why did they sound so distant, she strained to hear what was being said but it was as though she was listening to them through a long tunnel, nothing clear enough to make out anything. But this gave her hope, if she could hear them maybe they could hear her, if only she could make her mouth move, say something to get their attention. Move. That was the key word, she had a vague recollection that she had a special gift, one that could help her out this silent prison.

She took a deep breath and concentrated on a single word, she pushed everything from her mind and focused this one word to her lips, before she could force the word out the conversation became louder around her, though it was for a split second she was able to understand at least one word. “Chipotle” It was as if a curtain had been lifted, all the lost memories came rushing back to her and she was once again flooded with a sense of purpose, with renewed determination she cleared her mind and focused…..

MEANWHILE:

…”Do you think she’ll be okay” La Guac asked looking down at Pico in the hospital bed.

“Sure she will, she always bounces back” replied El B matter-of-factly.

“Well she’s been out for over 24 hours, the doctor’s aren’t optimistic she’ll come out of it anytime soon” La Guac said.

ColumBEANa looked from one to the other “Hey!” she yelled “She’ll come out of it, this is Pico de Gallo we’re talking about, all those fresh veggies, how can she not get better??”

El B looked doubtful but kept his opinion to himself, he didn’t want to scare the other two. He stared down at Pico and shook his head. It wasn’t looking good.

“Ohmigod guys did you see that?” shrieked ColumBEANa “I swear I just saw a tomato move! She’s coming back to us” she jumped up and down smiling.

La Guac turned back to Pico and stared, she kept staring and was about to look away when she saw some Cilantro shift. She held her breath exepectantly, staring across the room she saw that El B had seen it too. They all waited.

The only sounds were the machines and the ticking of the clock on the wall, but then quietly they heard it, it was almost inaudible but they were listening hard and they had heard the one word uttered from the otherwise still form of Pico: “Burritos”

They all rushed the bed, smiles on their faces, each trying to talk over the other.
“Pico, you had us worried!” said La Guac
“Of course we ordered the burritos on Thursday” El B said gruffly choking back his tears of relief
“Chipotle saved the day!” chimed in ColumBEANa

Pico opened her eyes and smiled, slowly coming out of her trancelike state, she didn’t know how long it would take to get back to her old self but now that she heard what she needed to hear she knew there was nowhere to go but forward….

Pico's Powers Part 1

She knew she was always a little different, and that set her apart from the others.

When she was younger she found that she could do thing others couldn’t, move things with her mind. It scared her at first, she thought herself a freak, an outcast. One moment she’d be sitting across the room wishing she didn’t have to get up to answer the phone, the next moment the phone was in her hand. From that time on she practiced her power in private, moving things around the room, tidying up the house when her parents weren’t home.

When she was older she extended her power from objects to people. As a salsa she had to be careful, not everyone loved the mix of fresh veggies with a hint of lime. But if she really wanted something she went for it. Careful never to reveal the true strength of her abilities. She soon began to see herself as kind of a super hero. Why else would she have these powers? She must use them for good right?

So when Chipotle was looking for a new location in Seattle she had used her powers to pull the restaurant from the Sodo District back toward Pike Street, downtown, so that more people could enjoy the fantastically fresh ingredients only Chipotle had to offer. It was hard at first, contractors showing up to the old location only to be “moved” to the new one to begin work on the new restaurant, but eventually everything fell into place and the opening day was only a week or so away.

Though that had drained her she had one more thing she had to move. Through the grapevine she had heard that El B was considering postponing his weekly order from Chipotle. Aghast and appalled she used all of her strength to move the order day to Thursday instead of the usual Friday. She passed out from exertion before seeing the result of her endless hours of practicing her abilities….had it worked?? Will Chipotle be able to come through??? Time will only tell….

Burrito Favre

It seems like every year we talk about our good friend Burrito Favre. You know the guy that can’t decide if he should retire or play football. Well he is now back wearing the beloved purple and gold. A lot of people may be annoyed by his flip flopping, but I think it is inspirational. I find myself asking should I retire from team chicken burrito. I’ve had a good career with chicken burrito, and maybe it’s time to hang up my napkins. I can always resign with chicken burritos arch rival barbacoa later on in the ordering process. Maybe you find yourself saying “I’ve been retired from burrito ordering for far too long, but I still have the fire in my belly. The fire that can only be satisfied by ordering Chipotle!” Well my friend, you are in luck. We have a roster…I mean ordering spot available just for you.

Hasta Luego,
El B

Introducing Little Pico

On the green carpet at the Tortilla Awards (or as they are known in the BIZ : The Tortys)

Little Pico takes her place in front of the camera, she’s dazzling in her salsa-ness, head to toe in the latest couture: juicy ripe tomatoes, zesty limes and cilantro and crisp onions and cabbage

Cue Camera:

“Hello and welcome to the 2009 Tortys, today I’m on the green carpet interviewing all the nominees, so far we’ve spoken to The big cheese himself, Con Queso, and he was looking hot! He is nominated tonight for his portrayal as Colby Jack cheese in the 2009 Smash Hit Bean there done that. He is hopeful for a Torty this year and told use exclusively about the new project he’s working on, it’s an indie film called Shredded and sounds very promising! We can’t wait to see it!“

Pico turns in time to spot a nominee

“Here comes La Guac! Over here honey, my you look fabulous in green darling! Are you excited about tonight??”

La Guac: “I think we’re all excited Pico, it’s great to be a part of Chipotle productions, exciting roles that test me and make me grow as an actress”

Pico tears up “I’ll never forget your performance in From the Trees to the Bowl” I can’t imagine how much research must’ve gone into a role like that. You were marvelous!”

La Guac blushes “Thank you, it’s roles like that one that got me here tonight, I’d love a Torty of my own but I’m just happy to have been nominated.”

Pico “Well, we’re all pulling for you, we’ll see you inside” Turns to camera “How exciting, who do we have next? OH ladies and gentleman you won’t believe who I’ve spotted!” Waves him over
“El B! So nice to see you! Your adobo marinade smells absolutely delicious tonight!”

El B: “Only the best for me, you know that Pico” (chuckles)

Pico: “That would explain the Platinum wrapped suit cover tonight, who are you wearing???”

El B: “Chipotle of course, I wouldn’t be caught dead wearing anything else” (they both laugh)

Pico: Well, El B you seem to be a fan and academy favorite here tonight, you are up for a Torty for Best Comedic Performance for All Wrapped up as well as Best Actor for the drama Muy Grande para tu Boca which is the first time anyone’s been nominated for a Best Actor Torty for a foreign film! It’s a good thing you speak Spanish so well!

El B: “It is, of course, my first language, it certainly made it easier for me to concentrate on my acting and really dip into the role on a new level”

Pico “And you were superb I could almost feel the heat watching you go through that oven! If that’s not Torty worthy then I don’t know what is…”

El B: “All in a days work, and you have to work to be the best, that’s why I’m with Chipotle, they have nothing but the best ingredients around. Who would go anywhere else?” (they both laugh again)

Pico: “Thank you so much for stopping by, good luck tonight I have a feeling you’ll be walking away with two Tortys!” (waves and turns to the camera) “Well there you have it, it promises to be an exciting night! This is Little Pico from the Green Carpet at the Tortys, Enjoy the show!”

NEW CHIPOTLE OPENING SOON – DOWNTOWN SEATTLE – 3RD AND PIKE

Burrito Town Hall Meeting

There has been some rumblings in burrito nation lately so El B decided to hit the road for a burrito town hall meeting. Outside the meeting there are crazy people everywhere. Some are praising El B as a genius, and other have him depicted as Hitler. Many of the burrito congress wouldn’t hold meetings. La Guac has been strangely silent as well as Pinto Bean. El B is standing strong though. Let’s listen in.

The meeting is starting. Here comes the first question. “You promised free burritos for everyone, but haven’t delivered. EVERYONE DESERVES FREE BURRITOS – IT’S A BASIC HUMAN RIGHT”. Then out of nowhere someone else yells “how are you going to pay for these FREE BURRITOS. You’re mortgaging our children’s future.”

“Yes Burritos are a basic human right, but I never promised free burritos. I just promised that your food would be delivered by 12:00 on Friday.” El B responds calmly

Then out of nowhere another protestor yells “last week you didn’t show up until 12:05. Doesn’t that prove that Burrito Nation can’t run even the simplest program?” El B taken aback says “but Chipotle was really busy, and we need to work with our partners. This really doesn’t mean we can’t run the program.”

“What about the people that can’t afford Burritos? Shouldn’t we take care of them? Plus you had the crazy disclaimer last week. I was really insulted” El B looking confused responds “we don’t have money for free burritos or time to review each and every order prior to leaving Chipotle. Everyone needs to eat lunch, and at $6.25 or less, how can it get much cheaper.”

Then the crowd starts to go ape crazy throwing chairs and yelling about burrito rights and children’s futures. El B has to be escorted out by armed guards and now oh on the town hall is on fire. Oh the humanity!

MAYDAY

El B lives in a land where neighbors are still neighborly, and suspicion does not run rampant. We still leave things on people’s doorsteps on mayday and run away with glee (tee-hee). You might have left flowers, candy or popcorn as a child, but here in burrito nation we left tasty burritos, chips and guac or bowls of burrito so fine. Oh such fun we have. This year we face a problem though. It isn’t that our neighbors and friends don’t trust the treats we leave on their door steps; it’s the dreaded SWINE FLU! Even now I am ranting as I write this…wait a minute someone just came in and they are saying that Chipotle uses only the finest free range, organic pork in their carnitas. YES! No need to worry about the swine flu. Chipotle’s still open with some of the finest pork in town. So order up without fear. We won’t tell anyone if you eat it for yourself and don’t leave it on your neighbor’s door step

El B

Burrito Western

Out on the plains there is a burrito farm.

“Pa don’t you ever regret the burrito farm.”
“No Sonny.”
“Pa, we lost Ma in the locust storm of ought six. We had to fight the marauders from Burgerville. E-coli attacked our tomatoes, and a fire burnt down our guacamole barn!” Sonny exclaimed.
“Doesn’t matter Sonny. We grew our own wheat and corn to make wonderful tortillas. We had the freshest salsa from our garden. We had the best guacamole, and the freshest free range pork, beef and chicken.”
“Pa I have a confession to make.”
“Go ahead son.”
“I snuck into the big city the other day and ate a burrito at a place called Chipotle”.
“Why would you do that Sonny?”
“It was wonderful Pa. They use the same ingredients that we use; the burrito was seasoned perfectly and made to order. We could have escaped all this heartache Pa!”
Pa taken aback yells “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

Same burrito order time and place.

Hasta Luego,
EL B